broken___angel (broken___angel) wrote in escapexvelocity,

"the right reasons"

Are there such a thing as "the right reasons" for wanting to stop SI-ing? I've been a self-injurer for eight years, and have "stopped" several times, always to end up hurting myself again when life became too overwhelming. In the past, when I stopped, it was always for myself - no one knew about my self-injury, and I always told myself that I would stop because it was bad for me and I had to find a new way of dealing with my issues. The last time I started again was about 6 months ago, after my grandmother died. At that point, I came to terms with self-injury as a coping method - after all, it didn't hurt anyone else, and didn't cause much lasting damage to myself. I decided that I'd stop being ashamed of it.

Then, about 2 months ago, my boyfriend found out that I'd been self-injuring again. He'd known I'd done it in the past, but when he found out that I'd started again, he started to really worry. It was like my hurting myself actually hurt him as well. He begged me to stop, and for now, I have. I'm just wondering, though, is there any point to even trying to stop since I'll probably end up doing it again, and I didn't want to stop in the first place?

Has anyone here ever been in a similar situation - where someone you love has asked you to stop and you do just for them? Has it worked? Have you been able to stop? I don't want to start SI-ing again, and if I do, I know I'll end up hurting my boyfriend twice as much. At the same time, sometimes I can't control it. I get so depressed I do it without even thinking. I don't think that people who don't self-injure understand how overpowering the desire to SI can be...
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