[+]Ladie AbS1Nthe[+] (tornbitsofflesh) wrote in escapexvelocity,
[+]Ladie AbS1Nthe[+]

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i'm new..

NAME: Angeline
AGE: 17
GENDER: Female
LOCATION: San Angelo, Texas

WEAPON OF CHOICE?: prefer razor blades.. but if i don't have one on me.. just anything near by that's sharp (ex. scissors, paper clips, staples, coke cans.. etc)
AREA OF CHOICE?: arms and legs
LINES, WORDS, or SHAPES?: lines.. sumtimes words
HAVE RITUALS?: clean the sharp object unless i'm in need of cutting right then and there.. and i can't control my urge.. then i just go ahead and cut w/ it..
ASHAMED?: now that my boyfriend knows.. of course
LENGTH OF SELF HARM?: i started bruising when i started school (around 5 or 6 years old) continued until 5th grade.. then depression was hitting me hard.. and i went to overdosing and burning.. then around 6th grade i quit for a bit.. started up again in 9th grade w/ cutting/burning.. and i'm still doing it now..
WHO KNOWS?: my boyfriend, 2 close friends, and now my parents know (they found out a few days ago) since my mom found my blades (from being a nosey bitch and going through my shit).. and noticed my arms..
WHO WILL NEVER FIND OUT?: teachers at school.. anyone else who doesn't know
DIAGNOSED?: manic depression and social anxiety disorder

MEDICATION?: i'm suppose to be on anti-depressants.. but my mom doesn't give a shit on taking me to the doctor to get any.. she sees it as a waste of time and i don't need it..
PSYCHIATRIST?: yes.. but just yesterday (9/13/05).. my mom found out i was going to get help.. and now she's making me not go anymore.. saying it's a waste of money and i don't need it..
PSYCHE WARD?: no.. thank gawed

WANT TO STOP?: it's a 50/50 thing..
IF SO, WHY?: yes b/c since my boyfriend now knows.. he's threatened to break up w/ me numerous times if he sees another cut/burn/or bruise on me he says.. and no b/c it's a feeling of relief after i do it.. it calms me down.. and changes my mood from feeling like shit and worthless.. to feeling happy again.

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